Dear Eric: I have a 10-year relationship unmarried. My girlfriend continues to communicate with her 50-year-old son. Having him determine for her what to do in the relationship. She does not want to communicate with me. She tells me one day she loves me, the next day she does not want to talk.

Should I just end the relationship? I’ve tried to explain to her the things she’s done to me, but she will not let me finish the conversation when I continue to explain her actions toward me. Is this a narcissist and should I just end the relationship completely?

— Unloved

Dear Unloved: First, a couple of follow-ups to ask yourself. Has it always been this way or is this new? Have you explored couple’s counseling (obviously, without the son)? Do you feel that the son’s influence on your girlfriend is more than just intrusive, i.e., emotionally manipulative?

The answers to these questions probably won’t change the answer to your big question, but they may offer some context, or options for getting your girlfriend help.

The big answer remains the same: this relationship isn’t working for you right now and it sounds like it’s time to separate. Communication is the cornerstone of a relationship, so if you can’t talk to each other (or, if she won’t talk to you), it’s hard to see a path forward. Are you happy together? Do you feel valued?

In a relationship, you may not feel swoony and enamored every day, but this kind of hot/cold withholding that she’s doing is unhealthy and unkind. She’s not in the place to be the partner that either of you needs.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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