SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (WGGB/WSHM) - Springfield author Michelle Wisdom Davey juggles three kids, a writing career, and homeschooling, and now she’s adding another book to her plate.

“It’s the book I wish my parents would pick up and read,” she said.

“This is Why Your Adult Child Doesn’t Speak to You Anymore” was self-edited and self-published in December 2024. Davey says it’s a guide for parents looking to repair estranged relationships with their children.

She has been estranged from her own parents for the last seven years.

In her introduction, she writes “If you purchased this book for yourself, I am optimistic that you are on the path towards possible reconciliation.”

Family estrangement is relatively common in the United States.

One study conducted by the Ohio State University and the University of Alabama at Birmingham found about 16 percent of adults are currently estranged from at least one parent.

However, many of those breaks don’t last forever. Around 81 percent of estranged children eventually reconnect with their mothers while around 69 percent reconnect with their fathers.

Caitlin Curcio, a clinical manager with Behavioral Health Network’s Community Behavioral Health Center, says estrangement is almost never about just one fight and repair requires both sides to do some uncomfortable work.

“I think sometimes people assume when a child wants to cut their parents out of their life that it’s just like, ‘oh, well like this is a decision that I made and like I’m okay with it,’” she said. “And like if anything, there’s almost like this like glee around it or like I want to hurt my parent. And my experience, if anything, is the opposite.”

Curcio explains: estrangement rarely happens overnight, it’s usually the result of repeated hurt.

“So when we have this realization of like, ‘hey, I don’t think I can have a relationship with you anymore,’ there’s usually a lot of shame. There’s a lot of guilt. There’s a lot of like bargaining of like, ‘should I do this? Should I not do this?’ And a lot of times it’s a really, really hard decision,” she said.

One section of Davey’s workshop focuses on how to keep the peace across big differences without losing the relationship.

“Not saying deny your beliefs or your values, but when it comes to Thanksgiving, that is not the time to argue about who you’re going to vote for and why,” Davey said.

Davey sees hope. Most adult children want reconnection, but on new terms. They want respect, they want space for their own beliefs.

For now, Davey remains estranged from her parents, but she is leaning on the idea that even when families can’t see eye-to-eye, they can still choose respect, leave the door open, and give themselves a chance at a different ending.

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