NORTHAMPTON, MA (WGGB/WSHM) -- A question has sparked debate online and across college campuses nationwide has reached Western Massachusetts: is having a boyfriend embarrassing?

Local experts have offered insights into why young women today approach romantic relationships differently than previous generations.  Carrie Baker, a professor in the Women’s Gender and Sexuality Program at Smith College, said the answer runs deeper than social media trends.  “There were a lot of expectations that women sort of subordinate themselves in their relationships with men, particularly when they get married, and I think a lot of young women today are not willing to do that,” she explained.

Baker pointed to how dramatically women’s rights have evolved in recent decades. Women couldn’t wear pants in many settings before 1923, needed their husband’s signature for credit cards until 1974, and couldn’t keep their maiden names in all 50 states until 1976.  “They needed men to, you know, survive. I think now, when young women are able to get good jobs and buy houses and pay the rent, they’re in relationships because they want to be with somebody that they love and care for,” she added.

At Smith College, a historic women’s college in Northampton, students like Chase Row are pursuing careers in an environment run mostly by women.  “What really drew me to the space was the community. So, I really appreciated the emphasis on female voices, female empowerment, and the idea of like inclusion and safety in this women’s space,” she noted.

Row first encountered the viral Vogue article about boyfriend embarrassment during a class discussion.  She found the article’s premise interesting, but criticized its execution.  “I feel like it was more women criticizing other women for their personal choices and their love lives in a way that more so equated them as like an extension of their male partners than individuals. I feel like it almost kind of played into this old like practice and stereotype as not seeing women as individuals,” she said.

The Vogue article, written by opinion writer Chante Joseph, stated: “As long as we’re openly rethinking and criticizing heteronormativity, ‘having a boyfriend’ will remain a somewhat fragile, or even contentious concept within public life.”

Row connected the debate to broader social media influences on relationships.  “I think it just speaks to this broader idea of the power that social media has on our personal relationships and also the idea that, in this day and age, it doesn’t feel like you can really be fully committed to anything or passionate about anything without it being perceived, perceived as lean, including our personal relationships,” she added.

Relationship coach Amy Newshore, who previously told us social media sharing could be a recipe for disaster, said people should focus on personal authenticity rather than external judgment.  “Like, it seems like there’s always pressure with each generation, right? This one is, well, you don’t really need a man and I think that’s a great thought and I think that’s true, but I think it turns into pressure to not be with a man and I think that’s the problem,” she explained.  “We need to, you know, not judge ourselves, not judge our friends, not judge other people who make their own choices, and just focus on what’s true for us.”

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